Marriage was once a revered covenant. Today’s couples are deserting this covenant in search of alternative concords; however, they find layers of emotional suffering and a loss of self in the process. Couples who are separated or divorced report experiencing a sense of freedom but must contend with issues of guilt, courting, and dating. This is sometimes underpinned by feelings of high stress, unhooking, and identity issues (Booth & Amato, 1991). Several individuals suffer from loneliness, sexuality, commitment, socioeconomic, and self-esteem issues (Amato & Keith, 1991). Some other experiences include feelings of intermittent joy, loss, rejection, displacement, grief, and anger (Wells & Rankin, 1991). Prevalence causes of divorce include affairs, abuse, substance use, family conflict, money disagreement, raising children, lack of communication, irritating personality characteristics (ex. nagging), annoying habits (ex. smoking), not being home enough, and growing apart (Rappaport, 2013; Lavner & Bradbury, 2012). These factors may happen independently or in combination with each other that ultimately leads to divorce.
Separation and divorce are damaging to the individuals and detrimental to the children involved. The impact of divorce on children may lead to poor self-esteem, a decline in academic performance, ineffective peer relationships, and poor social skills (Rappaport, 2013; Carlson, 2006). These children struggle to acknowledge their parent’s separation. Interventional resources will need to be employed to help children deal with their parent’s disengagement that results from parental conflicts. Such conflicts disrupt the children’s everyday routines and may potentially lead to self-blame. Children will need help with anger resolution and tools to begin accepting their parent’s discord. The negative effects of divorce can greatly be mitigated when positive relationships with both the non-custodial parent and the custodial parent are maintained (Amato, 1993).
What if individuals do not have to survive divorce? Do you believe individuals can restore a broken marriage or achieve realistic expectations for later relationship success?
If so, you may be one of these individuals. Note you will not be the first nor the last couple to agree to re-pledge, renew, deepen your vows, improve your marriage, and come back from the edge of separation or divorce. Andrea Garraway Counseling PLLC., provide strategies for relationship restoration. These tools enhance personal reflections and enhance core growth in and out of the marital-related crisis. With the divorce-stress-adjustment perspective strategies are implemented to assuage the consequences of divorce for adults and children.
Marriage can be demonstrated as two reflecting circles. The individuals within the marriage are mirrors reflecting their surface. The partnering individual is also a mirror giving back reflections. To reflect truly the mirror must be true. A warped glass reflects an exaggerative image or a distorted reflection of you and your partner leading to chaos and destruction of your union. Leaving one marital situation with the same habitual course of conduct will result in the same situation elsewhere. Before you leave take some time to extend your mental horizons. One must address the reactive thinking to alter the reactive behavior which is the manifestation of such thoughts. If you hold on to ideas of “I have been cheated”; “I have been injured” or “I have been insulted”, your serenity will remain in bondage within or out of your marriage.
It is time for a breakthrough. You can remold your character working together with your partner. Perhaps letting go of your partner is your breakthrough. In either case, there would not be an immediate cure when you begin to fashion your mind on more harmonious attitudes. Humans do not gain perfect peace immediately, but we enter upon the path. Even if the goal is not reached it will be approached, and you can have peace of mind knowing that you have done everything in your power to make your marriage work. With this, as you are backing you can rise above it and be valuable to spite of it, as a prospering individual. Schedule here or email Garrawaya@aol.com for individual therapy and/ or couples’ therapy.
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Reference
Amato, P. R., & Keith, B. (1991). Parental divorce and the well-being of children: a meta- analysis. Psychological bulletin, 110(1), 26.
Amato, P. R. (1993). Children’s adjustment to divorce: Theories, hypotheses, and empirical support. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 23-38.
Booth, A., & Amato, P. (1991). Divorce and psychological stress. Journal of health and social behavior, 396-407.
Carlson, M. J. (2006). Family structure, father involvement, and adolescent behavioral outcomes. Journal of marriage and family, 68(1), 137-154.
Lavner, J. A., & Bradbury, T. N. (2012). Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce? Journal of Family Psychology, 26(1), 1.
Rappaport, S. R. (2013). Deconstructing the impact of divorce on children. Fam. LQ, 47, 353.
Wells, L. E., & Rankin, J. H. (1991). Families and delinquency: A meta-analysis of the impact of broken homes. Social problems, 38(1), 71-93.